old friendship and new relationships...

I know some people show their feelings online and some don't. It's normal, it's a form of self expression. I'm guilty of it myself. I mean it's a form I have to let it out. And I should probably just unsubscribe but you know I feel bad for this person. All she had is sad comments about her love life. I don't know the jist of what happen but as far as I can tell about it... maybe he broke up with her(or mutual) but she feels he might regret it one day. And that is what makes me so sad for the way she expresses herself. Just from experience but you have to live it and go through it to learn and manage the copping that comes with it.

I have learned many things and one is that guys don't regret very much. And sure sometimes we like to think they would regret it but I've learned that 99% of the time they don't. He would an odd ball out that would. Well not necessarily but if he loved her and she didn't and she broke up with him them... some guys are put in that position. (Same thing happens  to guys is what I'm trying to say) There are many men and women who break and turn the nice good ones into what they become, heartless F****! That isn't always a bad thing but it can be. Opening up can be difficult. It only takes the right person coming into their lives.

I remember when my ex specifically (but not limited to other men I've dated in the past)  broke up with me. I felt like (sadly) I was the best thing to happen to him (them) ( I wasn't, this wife now, who has been taken for granted is a great woman who has helped him a lot, a different story of why I think highly of her and I admire her) . And in a way it  would make me feel better and then it would be myself kicking my self down because then that meant I even wasn't  good enough. We tend to lie to ourselves and hurt ourselves even more.

Now it took me time to realize that maybe I wasn't the whole problem and maybe he was part of it as well. Duh, Sometimes I think we just suddenly become dumb when we're heart broken because we're not thinking clearly. You try and see if compatibility grows as you're getting to know each other better  but sometimes syncing isn't quite as it should. Now, let's say that if I would have stayed with any of them, would I be happy? Sure I would be happy for a while but they wouldn't. So then with the disagreements and incompatibility would I be happy trying to make someone happy and sacrificing my happiness? Which let's say think of it this way: they loved you and you didn't love them... Would you be happy sacrificing yourself for a person? Women like I use to be and how some are, we would still be trying so hard  to make it work no matter what. I think that even through our unhappiness we would keep trying but eventually that catches up to you. You can't compromise yourself and think you're going to be happy and most importantly you cannot compromise their happiness.  It doesn't work this way and you're not suppose to make it work this way.

In a break-up or when you stop the dating, you're sort of going through a 'cold turkey' detox from a very powerful drug that our body makes while deeply infatuated or possibly in love. You're depressed or on a high making the reality and illusion. In all honesty what ever happens during those moments cannot really be remembered in all clarity because it's not. You're in your own personal drug withdrawals. I remember feeling the pain during what would be anniversaries and special days like Valentine's day. Suddenly that special love day become a horrible single awareness realization that you're going to be "Forever Alone." Not the case, but that's how we feel at the moment. Keep busy, will always be the best way to help getting through anything.

One thing we can always do is change those dates that have these nostalgic meanings into something positive. It's not an easy easy process but I assure you, that it is very possible. At first it's hard but after a while the positive becomes stronger than that nostalgic sad date. I, for example, was having a bit of a hard time for a while back in the past. My anniversary was November  5th... When I was expecting my son his due date was December 22, 2005 ... when it came time for the baby shower, well since I was in U of R ... my schedule was limited but the best day was November 5th, 2005... and although at the time it was still difficult, in the end it became such a memorable experience that all I remember for that date is happy moments. It was the celebration of my pregnancy with all my loved ones, friends, family, and my mom's friends and to be honest it was one of the happiest days of my life.

We need to remember the happy moments in the relationships we're in. And, let them go as they were, happy moments but never let those moments define your life. Don't make your life so miserable because you can't recreate those moments. The hard part is that as well, trying to move on. Also, don't reminisce on the negative but don't forget the bad. You must never forget the negative experiences so that you will know what to look for in the next relationship or when you date people. You should always learn from all experiences and take in the good and learn from the bad.

Red flagging will be your best friend. It may seem you're too off-standish or paranoid or even distrusting but give yourself time to really know the person. I once listed the characteristics/qualities I wanted in a man. Never just take anyone because they're paying attention to you. Give yourself, self worth.

What I have done in the past is meet people and get to know them as who they are and be accepting. It's best you know them, as who they are. Figure out their flaws, know your flaws as well, because as you have been burned by others, trust and be sure they have been burned themselves so opening up is always tough especially as we get older. When you know their flaws or just a few of them, think about it this way: Can I live with those? Do those[flaws] annoy me? How long will it take for that to irritate me? Can I love those flaws? You have to pick someone that you know you will be able to handle the worse you know about them...And most of all, know that what ever decision you make, it was a choice. It was a choice you made to love that person. Love is a choice you make from the get go. If you're looking for an adventure don't bother. Expect to be treated how you're treating them. It's as simple as that.

I'm a single mom and when I got with my boyfriend, we talked about how we felt about marriage in the future and what we felt about divorce. We agreed that for us marriage was a sacred bond between two people no matter what. And we agreed when and if we ever decided to get married, divorce wouldn't be on the plate. We don't think that  starting marriage with the definition of divorce would lead us anywhere. Have in mind the things that you will want to know about that person and your position and their position. There many things to consider that will make the relationship work.

I am not married yet but I have to tell you, I've been the happiest in my life now than I have ever been. He's accepting, loving and caring. And we do have disagreements but we're able to talk and discuss. We communicate a and I'm sure that that is the best way to make any relationship work.

Best of luck!