Lost a piece of me

I know I may sound a bit melodramatic but it sure felt like it....

I have lost of piece of me.

21 years ago, I started a path to follow my heart. It was the first memorable moment I felt I had a choice to do what I wanted to do in life as a child. Granted I was 10 years old but I do recall that at a very young age I had liked music. Music was my life.

Some back story...
When I was like 5 my dad was trying to learn piano and I remember trying to take notes because it seemed so interesting. Well slowly I showed interest until we had the opportunity to learn more about music at school, I don't recall if just the Director Ms. Bissell and Mr. Edo who came or if they brought students. I do recall  that she played the oboe and the cello (Jaws) and Mr. Edo played the clarinet and the Drums in my elementary school. I was in 5th grade and finally had the chance to play the violin. For the longest time I was fixated on the violin and I knew what I was going to play. When they came and played  for us, I was so impressed. Later they placed them on a table so we could see them and that was the moment I fell in love for the first time. It the most beautiful instrument I had ever seen in my life, the clarinet.

It got me through middle school, high school and even got me into the music program for the university I went to.

What am I doing now? Well since I stopped teaching music lessons in November 2013,  I now work in a job were I can support my family. The clarinet was my life for the longest time and I enjoyed showing others how to appreciate it and love it.

The clarinet I got in 1995 was a black Selmer Clarinet, it was a new student model that my dad worked his tired body to make sure I would be able to follow my dream. He got it Rent-to-own so you know he over paid for it. And I loved him and the clarinet with all my life.

I am currently out of CA; in Atlanta for a trade show and Johnson texted me asking what I had in the back seat. I told him it was my clarinet. Danny ( my 10 yr old son) was thinking about playing the clarinet in band and since my clarinet needs work we were going to take it apart together and re-pad it, re-cork it,  clean it and put it back together. It was going to be a mommy and son project. I had bought the parts to start this project together.

Johnson just told me it was stolen from his car. A part of me just hurts so much to know this has happened. So many memories so much love I had for it. I was about to pass it down. It was going to be my own special gift. I was so excited when we put it together to test it out and now? Now?? What do I do? It feels like a part of me has been taken/ stolen from me. I know no one understands how I feel about it but I couldn't help but cry. It was my baby.

My baby is gone, my 20 yr old baby!

Why is it so hard to let go?

I don't understand yet I do. I've been in similar shoes but not anymore. I've moved on, I'm grown as a woman, I've learned from my mistakes and I want to be better.

Sometimes I wonder why people let themselves be victims. Don't get me wrong many of these people don't consider themselves victims but they know they have a choice and they still choose to stay there. I know "Love" is a huge factor but is it enough to make you erase all the name that so call love makes you jump through to prove it.

So  many people in this world are going through different abuse... Mental, physical emotional. It's so hard to get away from it but why? Why must we let other step all over us and walk all over us. Why?

I know it's not easy and nothing in life ever is... but well all have to encourage and be supportive to those in need. I wish I could have more time to write but I'm definitely too tired.