getting a little edge off my chest

Damn, it's 2015 and I haven't blogged here for years, I don't know what to say.... 

My mom passed away out on May 2014... It fucking sucks!! I'm terribly sad all the time I can't stop. 

I've been working for a company for over a year now: Kayso International Inc. 
I really enjoy it there, we're constantly busy and we have started traveling a bit to sell our masks. 

Since my mom has been gone I feel like us the sibblings have gotten cloer but we're unsure of my dad. People always ask us how he's doing and I honestly don't know what to do. When I talk to him over th phone he always feels scolded but I feel like he's making himself as a victim in all this. I guess I'm a little recentful towards him in the way he treated my mom the last few years and how she felt alone. I haven't told anyone but it was so hard. It's the first time I have actually admitted to this. I'm actually a bit upset he's not being responsible and I hate being the parent for him. 

I really feel bad. I'm struggling with my life and here I am sorrying about my dad. it dosn't make sense to me. 

There are so many thought going through my had lately and I'm tired of just hiding bhind my other thoughts. I just feel like there is so much on my shoulders. I feel like I don't get enough fresh air. I feel insane sometimes... I feel like I want to do so many things and then I feel like I don't want to do anything at all.

I really wanted to talk more about my mom it just makes me feels better because it's been 8 months I feel so alone without her. I feel like there is no family. My aunts (who? ) ... My grandma split a little under a month after we burried my mom. I am going to admit I'm upset at many people in my family... no one is there, maybe they're upset too, maybe I'm being selfish. I'm the one who is having to reach out and honest I don't want to, I want them to come to me... I'm tired of being the one who reaches out. I really am... I don't know but I feel out of the loop. 

I think I am feeling better at the moment. I needed this to get out. I needed to feel better I needed to write without thinking.  I love writing to feel better.