interesting day...

Oh shit right now I seriously feel trapped... I *kind of* like it but I'm so stressed. It feels like I have no where to go... When I was talking earlier the things that were said were too much... I had an idea but I still had no idea... I can't describe going back and forth. I felt blank. What do I do? it's just running is no option but should I even feel like I should run. Or why am I so scared... I didn't know I was so scared of this... and this has been my fear all along, I guess... and it's still true... geez! I can't believe the words that were said... and relocation.... I almost hyperventilated with mixture of feelings...

Been away for a little

So I've been very entertained in my other blog site. www.xanga.com/pinktiger335... in the times I haven't spend here yeah I've been over there. And frankly, I really like this one better but  I don't know anything about readers or how to get readers or if I have readers.. Right now, this one feels more personal... the other one I still write a lot but I feel like sometimes I am watched (maybe I'm paranoid)... not that it matters because then what would be the reason to have a public blog... but I can't write everything just in case... I don't find anything and I like sharing since I know I am not the only one that goes through ish...

Right now this feels like a nice escape... There are somethings I can't right on the other because it pertains to some of my readers and talking about them there... I like readers... I love them especially if they leave feedback...

Ok, as I mentioned in the first paragraph I've been on xanga... and the weird thing is that since I've been more active I've been promoting my site for more readers and sure I've manage to get many more and many  footprints on my page where before I was lucky for a few in a month... I love it! Ok, but even that comes with consequences of being noticed... I guess the best part is that people feel I am real, which I am.... I don't write lie about me anywhere on my pages... those represent me and who I am, simple. So back to consequences, I get hit on every once in a while. I guess I'm a lil photogetic sometimes, rarely but yea... I've had 3 in the last month... A Greek, who wanted me to go over and be would take me to concerts... and who knows what... I don't know how people get so ahead of themselves.. I don't like misleading  people or giving them hope for something that will never occur...  The second a real nice down to earth cowboy, by far the sweetest and most sincere.... he just reads my blogs and that's it.... nice person, good  heart! And the third has been the most tiring, annoying, persistent... He's Turkish and I am sure he's nice and whatnot but no thank you. If his picture is really him, he's handsome. He's the weird thing... he right away said he loves me ( who does that- creepy? mail order bride?), he wanted to marry me and that I should go visit him... so to turn him down I told him I didn't have money... and he said that that's why he worked and he had money... so he would send me a plane ticket (who does that- especially aq stranger?) so I told him I had a son and couldn't and he said to take him too... wow!!! No thank you! There is so much chaos in the world I don't trust anybody... especially not strangers... I hardly trust people I know or people they know... I'm an un-trusting  trusting person...

Ok,so some reason I attract Turkish people, not that they're not great people but they're too old fashion... too... obviously they live on the other side of the world... they're idea of the best time... is full housewife, who cleans and does laundry, and would give them a massage just because they're tired.... or they wouldn't gelp around because it's not a male's duty... not that I have anything against anything but I'm sorry I can't stay at home the whole time... I like to make my money... I like to do things... and they're super super jealous people... Yea, How do I know this? Simple... simple convos... this guy thought I found it so great for him to tell me that if I went over I would get to do everything for him... WHAAAAAT!?!?!?!!!!!! looking forward to it... I don't think so... Look I don't mind doing it all but it's a shared responsibility... I know what it takes to take care of a family... I've done it to my parents and my sibs... being the eldest, my responsibility... bills- ok I know how to do them all, managing money... hell yea... budgeting you bet ya... I'll tell you you what I'll even save you money... I've manage to learn how to live poor to know how to know how to spend... but don't get me wrong... I know how to throw money away too but saved gives up more pleasure.

Anyways... back to Turkish people... when I was back working in McDonalds... oh so many years ago... this guy comes up to me and ask if I was from a turkey descent and I, of course, said no since both my parents are from Mexico... so he said that I looked exactly like a person he knew from his town. Someone he thought was beautiful... I just took the compliment and sadly no I'm not an exotic foreigner. Then last summer I was in Denver, Co and there was this guy from Turkey and wow there was quite a language barrier... but he he tried a lot... and I mean a lot... kind of uncomfortable at times... he caught me one of those days when I was just alone... and started talking to me... the only thing he was really able to get out was"You Beautiful" so the rest of the days he kept looking for... I kind of dodge him... felt bad but I would only see him once all our activities were over and I was tired... he wanted to buy me a drink but I had had a few already but in hindsight I should have said ok... but whatev... those all have been interesting encounters...

I don't  even know why I wrote about it but I guess it felt nice to write something a lil different.

Tony texted me yesterday... it was nice to talk to him for a while, it had been a while... Sadly, since I'm out of reach in Facebook, he is the only friend who does talk to me whether I am on or not... and he knows how big of an addict I was, he was going to send me link and asked to log on... hahaha I had to say no... I've been good... which was how we sort of started talking over summer(my addictions to internet and mainly facebook). Oh and I completely forgot to tell him about this Turkish guy... lol he should got a kick out of the one over Summer... hahaha! The guy's nickname was "turkish" and I heard about it for the longest... a new turkish would have just been another good laugh and reminder of the Summer one... hahaha! The great thing about this guy though is that we can still have our good laughs...

OK,, enough rambling about nothing and going every where about nothing ... :)