Lost a piece of me

I know I may sound a bit melodramatic but it sure felt like it....

I have lost of piece of me.

21 years ago, I started a path to follow my heart. It was the first memorable moment I felt I had a choice to do what I wanted to do in life as a child. Granted I was 10 years old but I do recall that at a very young age I had liked music. Music was my life.

Some back story...
When I was like 5 my dad was trying to learn piano and I remember trying to take notes because it seemed so interesting. Well slowly I showed interest until we had the opportunity to learn more about music at school, I don't recall if just the Director Ms. Bissell and Mr. Edo who came or if they brought students. I do recall  that she played the oboe and the cello (Jaws) and Mr. Edo played the clarinet and the Drums in my elementary school. I was in 5th grade and finally had the chance to play the violin. For the longest time I was fixated on the violin and I knew what I was going to play. When they came and played  for us, I was so impressed. Later they placed them on a table so we could see them and that was the moment I fell in love for the first time. It the most beautiful instrument I had ever seen in my life, the clarinet.

It got me through middle school, high school and even got me into the music program for the university I went to.

What am I doing now? Well since I stopped teaching music lessons in November 2013,  I now work in a job were I can support my family. The clarinet was my life for the longest time and I enjoyed showing others how to appreciate it and love it.

The clarinet I got in 1995 was a black Selmer Clarinet, it was a new student model that my dad worked his tired body to make sure I would be able to follow my dream. He got it Rent-to-own so you know he over paid for it. And I loved him and the clarinet with all my life.

I am currently out of CA; in Atlanta for a trade show and Johnson texted me asking what I had in the back seat. I told him it was my clarinet. Danny ( my 10 yr old son) was thinking about playing the clarinet in band and since my clarinet needs work we were going to take it apart together and re-pad it, re-cork it,  clean it and put it back together. It was going to be a mommy and son project. I had bought the parts to start this project together.

Johnson just told me it was stolen from his car. A part of me just hurts so much to know this has happened. So many memories so much love I had for it. I was about to pass it down. It was going to be my own special gift. I was so excited when we put it together to test it out and now? Now?? What do I do? It feels like a part of me has been taken/ stolen from me. I know no one understands how I feel about it but I couldn't help but cry. It was my baby.

My baby is gone, my 20 yr old baby!

End of 2015/ Beginning 2016

I am so happy that 2015 ended in a happy note. My brother came back from Deployment which meant we were all complete. It had been long months since we had all been able to hang out together and right before he left was when we were all spring with the fact that my dad had a girlfriend. I think my bro wasn't happy about it because he didn't tell my dad the day he left which broke my heart but I couldn't do anything about it. That was something they needed to work on themselves. But, We're all still working on this issue. I want him (my Dad) to be happy but I can't see her yet. It makes me sad (well part of me), I miss him so much and I feel like less of a family since my mom passed away but the bond between my sibblings and I has gotten stronger and stronger. We have become each other's coping mechanism through it all. We all talk about everything and anything we have to. My mom's passing is still hard on us even though it will be 2 years on May 29th, 2016 but I swear it just happened last month. It hurts not being able to call or see her. Hey passing definitely impacted the family a lot. We lost touch with a lot of the family but then again ( I tried, not enough) they didn't try reaching out either. 

This Thanksgiving 2015 was the first time all my mom's sisters got together and invited us over. It was nice and a bit awkward at first. I can honestly say I was happy to finally be able to see everybody in one room. Seeing as I would invite them for stuff and no one would show. It's hard when you try and no one reciprocates and you have to be the one that gives in. 

In early December, we also had a nice get together with my dad's family. (Finally!) It was also the first time in forever since this had happened. My uncle from MN with his wife were in town so they wanted us to go. It was nice seeing part of the family. This side is so big it will be impossible to ever have us in the same place all at once... Part of us are in Mexico... maybe a good 3rd, about half in Ca and the rest in MN. Mainly it's nice to see my uncles, it's so hard to see them come out, they're like vampires.... only in the nighttime, when not too many people are around, and only if they feel comfortable. This goes for my dad as well. I don't know how he does it though since he plays for a music group. I hear they're doing great. I don't know. 

Christmas, we went to my sister's parent in-laws since that is where she lives... we stayed from the 25th-27th and hung out as much as possible, bonded, played Loteria...we won and lost time. It was much needed adult time while the kids played with their new toys. This is when we saw my brother for the first time. He seems happy. I am sure being on land is better than being stuck in a ship for months... I don't know how he did it but thank God he is back. We all missed his sarcastic nonsense.  

On the 27th, We had Dinner with Ms. Lisa Fevola, Karen Gallimore and Forest Blackwelder... High school teachers... I can't believe I have gotten the opportunity to see them after this long time. Lisa insisted I call her by her first name since we're all adults. Karen and Lisa were our Mock Trial advisers in high school and they definitely had a role and impact in our lives. These ladies are amazing woman, admirable. I hope to one day be like them. 

On that note, we ended 2015, on a fine note. Full of happiness and surprises to go around. I am hoping that 2016 will bring more tears of joy. And if everything goes well I hope that we can start building a small family of our own. In like 5 days I will turn 32 and my clock is ticking, a dream told me so... I don't know if it's true but I do recall my mom having my brothers at 30 and after that I don't recall much. I hope there's time but I want to be safe... 

Anything Dec. 31st Danny, Johnson and I brought in the New Year. I made Tamales and Johnson made cupcakes and we all frosted them. We drank wine and Danny drank Cider. I can only wish for this next year to bring light and joy to our lives. I have a feeling it will be a great year. 

Now to get ready for this year at work. I am happy New Year's Day I got to sleep in, make sopita de estrellitas, take a nap and end the night with Pizza and watching Pixels as as small family. In abut 20 days I fly out to Atlanta for a trade show then New Orleans right after. I am exhausted already but we can do this. I am ready! 

2016 please be good to us!