Just the process of life

The first Sunday, Johnson and I got to sleep some. Since June every weekend we spend weekends and sometimes a few days during the week making tamales. It was tiring work but man was the food delicious. I enjoy spreading the love at times. There was never enough time to catch up sleep. It's summer so it's so hot and can't sleep past a certain time. I think if people still want some we'll make some but definitely don't do much advertizement until like late October early November. It definitely has been fun spending lots of time with the boyfriend. He's the greatest person in the world that I know. He is the only person who hasn't disappointed me. I'm not saying I will never, I don't have false hopes. I know there are many ups and down to come and many challenges. I mean if we truly do want to spend the rest of our lives together there is nothing else to expect, you know? I'm not realistic. I know the reality of life. Life has managed to knock into to me, in a not so easy and fun way but it's the best way I think I could have handled.

I'm still not doing well, work wise. I'm still teaching just private lesson so I barely have any income but I'm doing the best I can with what I get.

I'm slowly paying a credit card from many years ago. I just started making very small payments on a school loan. It makes me sad I can't pay more. I know it's meant to teach me something in life. And I suppose I've grown or learned to be a lot more patient. I know, that the wait for all of this, will be very well worth it.





Warning!!!!
On a more personal and I mean personal ... so don't continue if you're under 18 or  don't want to know about my very personal and not public life.




















If you're still here, if anybody is even reading this is more about my sexual part of life.











So, It's the beginning of August on Thursday. And as much as that is thrilling because I will have lessons again and because Danny starts school, it's also the beginning of Johnson's second year of his RCIA course. He's been going for over a year and he is almost done but as adults we discussed sex which was quite emotional. Well mainly for me, maybe because I'm a girl but I cried. Not because we had it but because we were discussing stopping. It's going to be the longest and hardest test our relationship will take, in my opinion well not because we don't love each other but this will be a sacrifice and I'm sure there will be moodiness and I don't know.

We tried this a bit for lent and it was a difficult 6+ weeks and this will be months over. August through like April Easter Sunday.... well actually it would deem irresponsible from my part that he has just been baptized,, confirmed and received his first communion for me to lure him into sin after he's been newly introduced into the church as a member. He's converting to Catholicism. He's doing all this for me but himself as well. We go to mass together every Sunday and I think we can make better members of society.

So, I just know know if the right thing is to not have sex at all until we're married since we already stopped. See and I suppose this is where the tribulations of the relationship. I know we can pull through, I mean it's just sex but really is it just sex? It's the closeness we feel with each other when we talk after. It's the intimacy we feel. We're just able to talk more openly and express more. I''m sure we can do that anyways but it's so much easier to feel closer when we're exposed and in each other's arms. I have never felt so close to somebody in life like him and he accepts me as I am, or at least that is what he shows. I couldn't ask God for a more perfect person in my life. I  suppose I will be writing more about my feelings and different things as we go through this process of celibacy or chastity .... I don't know which ... or what they consist of but they both mean "no sex" so yea.